Deer Caught in the Headlights

It's dark tonight. I was just driving around a traffic circle almost home when I saw it. A deer. For some of you this may seem strange, but for those of us in upstate NY it is just as familiar as Stewarts and Lake George. This one was different. I'm sure you've heard the expression "Like a deer caught in the headlights" Though I've seen it before tonight stood out to me. Standing on a patch of grass twenty feet from the road the deer got a glimpse of my headlights and just froze. Maybe out of fear, or possibly because the bright light was so different from the dark cloud covered night. Whatever the reason it got my attention.

A few years ago tonight would have been normal. Finish work, head to a friend's house, then off to a party. Once we got there we would sit back, talk to some people, have a few drinks, then either sleep at the house or find a sober ride home. In this town these situations are my generations heart beat. Almost every night there is an open house, a place to be with kids you've known since elementary school. In the last few years the parties have turned into an adhoc highscool reunion.

I am about to enter my third year in college, and ever since I've been there these parties have been less appealing. My first winter break I remember driving friends to the party because I had made up my mind to stop drinking. But after a little while there I would start to feel drained. I could have had a great nights sleep and gone completely energized, but after about half an hour my tolerance for people would drop (I always love being around people, this was weird). That summer I would drop off my friends because I hated feeling drained.

Tonight I was at one of my closest friends houses, and he got a call from our other good friend. There was a party at a kid's house who I really haven't seen since highschool. I have always been friends with this person and thought it would be nice just to swing by. Familiarity is key when you are going to a party. If you don't know everyone, you can get by with knowing a few. Fortunately I not only knew the people I went with, but most of the people there, and have been to the house more times then I can count. All the reasons someone should be uncomfortable flew out the window. I said hi to my friends I haven't seen in a while, a few goofy hugs later I look around. There are the beer pong tables set up, a staple here, and a bong being passed around. A few years ago I would've been in line for both of these. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the type of kid to freak out because people are drinking and smoking, I just know for me its not the way to go.

I walked around for a little while longer and said hi to a few more people before finding my close friend who I came with. He looked at me and just said "This really isn't your thing anymore." Apparently I was a deer caught in the headlights. Even though I thought I was good, was looking like I belonged, something my friend saw screamed "why am I here?" A few seconds later I said my goodbyes and walked out the door.

From being at school I have seen more and more that the people I want to help the most are those my own age. At my college I am part of a Christian ministry on campus commited to serving our campus community. Honestly, it's what gets me up in the morning. Seeing kids at a research universtiy believe in Jesus is amazing. Knowing that the people I know now will one day be nurses and doctors, serving because of there love for God makes me shake with anticipation. When someone comes to understand that most people will follow or disown God in four short years, you can't help but try and help them make an eternal decision.

But this is where my dilemma lies. If Mother Theresa had had a heart to help the poor and dying but never went to Calcutta, could she really help? If someone wants to heal earthquake victims but doesn't want to get off the couch, are they doing anything? If I want to show love to those my age but don't go to where they are, am I really helping? The answer should be no, but when I go to the parties I feel drained, and am helping no one. So to me the answer is unclear.

Or is it?

"At all times preach the gospel, when necessary, use words"